Fashionably Fabulous: Book Eleven of The Hot Damned Series Read online

  “Is that a compliment?” I asked, unable to see Martha and Jane due to the rabid crowd surrounding them.

  “A compliment in the highest order, Dirty Diana,” he replied with a grin and the slightest bow of his head.

  I grinned back and felt good about what I’d just done. Maybe I could take all of the orphaned Fairies home with me when I left this Hellhole. I wasn’t sure how The Kev would feel about that, but I hoped he would be cool because I was pretty dang sure that was exactly what I was going to do.

  “Should we extract the idiots?” I asked, scanning the street and grimacing at the carnival-like architecture.

  “No,” The Reggie replied. “It will cause a bloodbath. We will let it go for another fifteen minutes. The Bob and Shelia are protecting Martha and Jane. The Gus and The Henry have gone ahead to the Magic Mystery Castle to clear it. We have to strike when the time is right.”

  I nodded. My instinct was to blow up all of Zanthia except where The Kev was being held and then get the Hell out of Dodge. But even I knew that was a horrible plan. And now that I was aware of the homeless, innocent children roaming the streets, I had no plans to blow Zanthia off the map of the Universe. As much as I needed to get to The Kev, we had to do it right. The less death and destruction the better. This place had seen enough of that.

  “So you and Shelia were an item?” I asked The Reggie since we had some time to kill.

  His laugh made me smile. “No. Not an item. Never an item. We were the best of friends for thousands of years until I failed her. My true mate died many centuries ago. Now I just live day to day looking for small pieces of happiness.” His smile disappeared and his strong shoulders slumped forward. “I have failed much in my long life. It would have been better if the Vampyre Princess, Astrid, had done away with me.”

  “Duuuude,” I said, smacking the back of his head. “I have no time for self-pity parties. If Astrid didn’t off your ass, then you didn’t deserve to be offed. My BFF is one very smart cookie. As far as failing, I feel you. I’m working that move tremendously at the moment. However, I don’t plan to stay there. You feel me? I’ve got people to see, shit to do and some bad fucking Fairies to wipe off the map,”

  “You will rid us of the Dark?” he whispered with wide eyes.

  His expression was so childlike and hopeful. It was like a punch to the gut.

  I paused and thought for a moment. I didn’t even mean to say that last part. Ridding Zanthia of the Dark would be an undertaking of epic fucking proportions. Scanning the street, I really wished I could see the auras of all the desolate people. I was tempted, but showing my ass now meant I was willing to take on the responsibility of who I was. Before that could ever happen, I needed to free the man who made my life worth living. Period.

  I couldn’t answer The Reggie, because I had no idea what to say. Change of subject was in order. “Why is it so dark here?”

  The Reggie glanced up at the sky and frowned. “The Light are going gray. The Gray are going Dark. Soon the skies will be black and evil will win. Zanthia will be no more.”

  “That’s certainly a defeatist attitude,” I told him. “What would make the sun shine again?”

  “I don’t believe you want the answer to that, Dirty Diana.”

  With an eye roll and a groan, I let my chin fall to my chest. The Reggie was correct. I was fairly sure I already knew the answer. I was wearing my big girl panties. Satan had told me to grow up. Avoiding my past was going to fuck up my future. The Devil had been on point… Leading a species sucked—not that I was going to do it, but…

  “Tell me.”

  The Reggie peeked over at me to make sure I was serious. I was.

  “The sun will shine again when you decide in your heart to come home to us.”

  “You guys drive a hard fucking bargain.”

  “Not us. Fate.”

  I digested that one for a long moment. There was a new Fate in town. The old one had been removed permanently. She’d abused her power and had been replaced. Had the former Fate been instrumental in this shitshow? It was moot since she was gone. And by gone I meant gone. Elle, aka Satan’s better half, was now Fate.

  Regardless of who Fate was, or used to be, I had used my own free will to come here. It was ultimately my decision to stay or go. Right now, I was leaning towards getting the Hell out, but a tiny part of me wanted to stay. Why? Not sure. This place was fifty shades of awful.

  “I know you want to leave,” The Reggie said quietly. “Let me help you find your happiness. It will make my existence worth living. I failed you just as I failed The Fru-Fru. But failing you five hundred years ago will forever haunt me.”

  “Whoa, dude. What?”

  “You truly remember nothing?” he asked.

  “Nada.”

  He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “I was called away under false pretenses and when I came back you were dead.”

  “You caught The Corrine killing me?”

  He shook his head and his hands trembled with anger. “The deed was already done. She was there and so were others.”

  “What others?” I demanded as a chill skittered up my spine.

  “They were in the shadows. I felt them more than saw them,” he admitted.

  “Wait,” I said, pulling The Reggie back into the empty alleyway. “Did the Corrine actually kill me—like poison me and tear me to shreds?” Even just saying those words made me feel sick and frightened.

  “She took credit for it. I fully believe she wanted to do it, but there is no way she could have accomplished what she claimed. You were far more powerful than she could have ever dreamed of being.”

  “So my killer or killers could still be running around Zanthia scot free?”

  “Possibly,” he conceded.

  WTF? “Cover me,” I hissed as bursts of furious glitter exploded around me.

  “Control it,” The Reggie snapped as he tackled me to the ground to help me get a grip.

  The asphalt hitting my face was kind of a rude awakening, but it worked. “You can get off me now,” I choked out, trying to breathe. The Reggie was freakin’ huge.

  “You’re okay?”

  “Well, I can’t really breathe, but other than that, yes. Get off,” I growled.

  He promptly stood up and helped me to my feet. “I’m so sorry. I would never harm you. I just…”

  “You just did what you had to do,” I finished for him. “Thank you and fuck you. That hurt, but it worked.”

  The Fairy looked proudly mortified. He’d just tackled his Queen to the ground.

  “Look dude, you have just laid a shitload more on my plate. I can’t think about it now,” I told The Reggie. “The Kev comes first. I’m second. And Zanthia… I do believe Zanthia might be third.”

  “Truly?”

  Closing my eyes, I took three deep breaths. “Not sure. But if the assholes who killed me the first go round are still hanging out—which by the look of things here they are—then I need to fix that little issue. You in?”

  “I am so in,” The Reggie said, catching himself as he started to bow to me. “Sorry. Habit.”

  “Well, kick it,” I said. “Or I’ll kick it for you. And trust me it will hurt.”

  “As you wish,” he said, grinning. “The crowd has dispersed. It’s time to go.”

  My stomach fluttered strangely and the crystal at my neck heated up. The Fairy-Demon girl BJ was near. I could feel her. I just didn’t know exactly where she was. Finding her was high on my list as well, but one thing at a time.

  “I’m coming,” I whispered to The Kev, knowing he couldn’t hear me.

  But in a few short minutes he would see me and that was all that mattered.

  “I’m ready. Let’s go.”

  No one was going to stop me.

  And if they tried, no deity in the Universe could save them.

  Chapter Eleven

  We kept our heads down as we passed the Grand Fun Palace, but I had to peek. Several flashes went
off in my brain, but they were fuzzy. I recognized it—yet I didn’t.

  The Grand Fun Palace was in stark contrast to the rest of Zanthia. It was grand and beautiful. The rest of the area might be in sad disrepair but the Palace was pristine. It shimmered even though there was little sunlight. It was all white with solid gold trim. Graceful turrets rose high into the air and poked through the dark clouds. A crystal clear river circled the Palace and I spotted wildly colorful fish swimming in schools. Lavender ivy climbed the walls and masses of blood red roses complemented the perfectly manicured lawns.

  “So the Fairies care about landscaping and not children?” I hissed quietly and shook my head in disgust.

  “The Dark Court insists on living in beauty,” The Bob whispered back.

  “False beauty,” I corrected him in a clipped tone. “The outer shell belies what’s within.”

  No one said a word because there was nothing to say. How had Zanthia come to this? I had a real hard time buying that Fairies were this evil. Hell was nicer than freakin’ Zanthia. The irony of forbidding Demons to enter here was bizarre. Demons were more civil than these Fairies. Of course, not all Demons, but during the time I’d spent in Hell I’d seen the Demons treat their children as precious gifts. This shit in Zanthia was gonna end whether I stayed or not.

  “We’re almost there,” The Shelia said.

  The Magic Mystery Castle was up the hill from the Grand Fun Palace, past the decrepit Tilt-a-Whirl and the broken down Flying Scooters. The flashes in my head were now coming faster and they were not pleasant.

  “We’re here,” The Reggie said as Susu rejoined us.

  “Mina is safe,” my Mini-Elf told me as she settled herself on my shoulder under the hood of my cloak. “Lady Gaga loved her on sight and the child ate like she hadn’t had food in a year.”

  Closing my eyes for a moment, I tamped back my fury at the injustices in this horrible place. It wouldn’t do to create a glitter tsunami at the moment.

  “Thank you, Susu.”

  “Do you love me yet?” she inquired, playing with my hair.

  I smiled and sighed. “Yes, Susu I love you. You’re still a pain in the ass and we definitely need to discuss a few of your methods, but I love you very much.”

  Susu kissed my cheek repeatedly and then nestled herself back on my shoulder. I did love the tiny flying menace and I planned to protect her fiercely.

  Glancing up at the Magic Mystery Castle, I bit my lips to stifle the pain from the flashes blasting through my head. All sorts of things were coming back, but they weren’t linear. The memories were in unconnected pieces—random and confusing.

  The Castle was enormous. A drawbridge over a murky moat led to the ornate jewel-encrusted doors of the Castle.

  “We have cleared most of the Castle,” The Henry said as he and The Gus met up with our small group. “However, there are still guards at the entrance and several in the dungeon.”

  “How many?” I asked tersely.

  “Four inside the main door and I’d estimate at least six below,” he told me.

  Without thinking, I nodded and began to walk away from my people. “There’s a hidden passageway in,” I said. “It’s behind a willow tree at the far back left of the castle. It’s accessible by an invisible bridge covered in blue ivy.”

  No one followed. They simply stared in shock. I froze and stared back as a smile of surprise pulled at my lips.

  “I’m remembering,” I whispered.

  “That you are,” The Bob said and quickly joined me. “I’ve never heard of this entrance and I thought I knew everything about the Magic Mystery Castle.”

  “The Fairy Queen is back!” Susu sang as she bounced on my shoulder and danced around.

  “Dirty Diana,” I reminded her. “And I’m not back yet. I only remember pieces.”

  “But they’re coming to you as you need them,” The Shelia pointed out and squeezed my hand.

  “So far, yes,” I agreed. “Let’s hope it keeps happening that way. You freaks ready?”

  “Always,” The Reggie said, catching himself before he bowed to me. “At your service until the end of time.”

  “I shall be at your beck and call as long as I breathe,” The Bob added.

  “Your wish is my command,” The Henry chimed in.

  “I will die for you,” The Gus said with a tiny bow.

  “Dudes,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Enough of the formal bullshit. While the sentiment is nice, all the butt-kissing is making me itchy. Just have my back and I’ll have yours. You feel me?”

  “I feel you,” Martha said. “I ain’t gonna be at your beck and fucking call, but you have brass balls and I like that.”

  “You also have tremendous knockers,” Jane added with a thumbs up. “And because of that, I will kill the shit out of anything for you.”

  “Because of my knockers?” I asked, trying not to laugh or scream.

  “Well, that and your testicles. Brass testicles are impressive,” Jane explained. “Not as impressive as Lizard’s but still kickass.”

  “Umm… thank you,” I said, hoping to confuse them by being polite. I really needed to end the conversation before they started waxing poetic about any of my other real or fictional body parts… or God forbid, Lizard’s.

  “Shelia, stay close to Martha and Jane and be prepared to remove the collars.”

  “Are you shitting me?” The Shelia asked, going pale.

  “Nope. I shit you not.”

  Waving my hand I produced six pairs of earplugs. They were quite special. It had taken me a few hours to perfect them. In between practicing controlling my magic, I’d worked on the enchanted earplugs. Handing them to The Reggie, The Bob, The Gus, The Henry, The Shelia and Susu, I grinned.

  “Put them in. You’ll still be able to hear clearly. But the words will not affect you now.”

  “What words?” The Reggie asked as he did what I asked.

  “The words,” Susu said with a shudder as she placed the tiny pair I’d created for her in her small ears. “Martha and Jane know the fucking words.”

  “How?” The Gus asked while quickly shoving the plugs in his ears.

  “Long story,” I replied. “No time right now to share. Just wear the earplugs and all will be fine.”

  “What about you?” The Shelia asked. “Do you have an extra pair for yourself?”

  “I have an extra pair, but they aren’t for me,” I told her. “They’re for The Kev. The words no longer affect me.”

  “Are you serious?” she asked, squinting at me doubtfully.

  “Deadly,” I replied flatly. “I’ll be fine. Let’s move it, people.”

  * * *

  “Holy Hell,” I grunted as I pushed my way through the overgrown blue ivy. “I don’t remember it being this difficult to get in.”

  “It’s been five hundred years,” Susu reminded me as she ate her way through the denser patches.

  “Fine point. Well made,” I said with a laugh. “Hopefully no one found the door and removed it.”

  “Here it is,” The Reggie said, running his hands over the slightly different stone. “It’s sealed shut, but we can blast it.”

  “Nope,” I said, holding up my hand to stop him. “No need.”

  Again, without thinking, I began to chant softly. After about a minute the door slowly creaked open. It was obvious it hadn’t been used in many centuries.

  “We need to oil that fucker,” I whispered as I entered the Castle with my posse right behind me. We were far from the main entrance, so I wasn’t too worried about the guards at this point. If they showed up, I’d take care of it. The less of my kind I killed the better. Justice would be served, but I needed to make sure I was serving the right dish to the right person.

  “Wow,” I muttered taking in the décor.

  The inside of the Magic Mystery Castle reminded me a little of Hell—very ornate, very overdone and very dangerous. Without the guards everywhere, it wasn’t as awful as it could be, but it st
ill had an overlying darkness to it.

  “It wasn’t like this when you were here,” The Bob said quietly.

  “Thank god for that,” I said with a small laugh.

  There were massive crystal chandeliers and bright velvets and brocades covered all of the furniture. The floors were white marble and the intricate moldings were solid sparkling gold. If I stayed in this shithole there was going to be some major freakin’ remodeling.

  “Do you need me to lead?” The Reggie asked.

  Again I surprised myself. “No. I know the way. Stay close and be silent. Sheila, do not lose Martha and Jane under any circumstance and we must not be separated.”

  “Roger that,” The Shelia said.

  The flashes in my mind continued and I moved quickly and quietly through room after room. After walking through a maze of rooms and hallways that got darker and colder as we went, we reached a set of wide stone stairs. Normally they would be flanked by guards. Thankfully they were not today. The archway was protected with a huge glistening silver gate and was padlocked with strong magic.

  “Blast it?” The Shelia suggested.

  “Nope. Don’t want to announce our presence,” I said. “Stand back.”

  Without one single question, my people obeyed. I was pretty dang sure this was going to burn like a motherhumper, but that wasn’t going to stop me. I could sense that underneath the silver overlay was iron. Iron was not a Fairy’s friend—at all—but I wasn’t a normal Fairy. I was the Fairy Queen with extra bells and whistles. I’d done this once before for Tiara and it had worked. It was time to try it on myself.

  Gritting my teeth, I set my hands ablaze with a searing hot pink enchanted fire. It wasn’t an inferno. It was contained and hurt like a bitch. No pain. No gain. I chanted the mantra in my head as I let my hands burn.

  The gasps of my little army sounded far away as I focused completely on what I was doing. My goal was to get to The Kev. However I had to do it was immaterial. Pain was fleeting. I hoped.

  “What the fucking Hell on Sunday are you doin’?” Martha demanded, striding over and slapping her hands on her bony hips.